Do you see that green blanket on the floor in the corner of the bedroom? That soft green blanket that we used to couldn't keep you off of? That's yours. I'm giving it to you. Forever. You can sleep there. There. Not on the end of the bed by our feet where you think you should be able to sleep. Not at the end of the bed. You're shedding like crazy. We can't keep you brushed, I'm tired of sleeping in cat hair. Please, reacquaint yourself with the soft green blanket.
Love,
Your Owner Who Has To Lint Roll The Bed Every Night.
Dear White Blood Cell Count-
Why are you so high? Why am I having to go through countless tests to figure you out? Is it my thyroid? Or something more? Why are you trying to stress me out? You know how busy I am already, I certainly don't have time to figure you out right now. Fix yourself.
Honestly?
Ashley
Dear Boobs-
Why won't you SHRINK?! For real, I've lost inches (INCHES!) in my waist and hips, but y'all? Y'all are some stubborn bags of fat. I mean, I'm glad I have you and you're there for good reasons and blah, blah, blah...but check yourself. I'm done with being two sizes bigger on the top than on the bottom. You make shopping nearly impossible.
Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Shopper
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