Five Years

Today it's been five years.

A little over five years since I've heard your voice. Since I've watched you walk across a room. Or had you ask me to listen to a speech you'd written for our speech class that we took together. It's been five years since we made a Sonic run for cherry Dr. Peppers.

Exactly five years to the day since I've spoken to you... 

And asked you to wake up, because this was the last chance you'd have because we had a decision to make.

You never did listen to me. Not even when I begged you not to get that tacky tattoo. Or leave my dad. 

Damnit Mom.

If you would have woken up, what would have been different? 

Days do get easier. But, thinking of days to come, a wedding, a birth, all of those milestones, and knowing you won't be right here to go through them with me? That sucks.

And I miss you. 

Six Years

Today marks six years that Chris and I have been together. 

Six.

That's 2,190 days.

And 52,560 hours.

It's been the best days/hours of my life. I'm not even kidding. 

We've spent the day/weekend changing a few things in our lives. Namely, taking better care of ourselves. Three mile walk anyone?

We've gone twice in the last two days.

Right now, as I am blogging he's in the kitchen making us a steak and roasted veggie dinner. I couldn't make this stuff up people. I've got a keeper.

We stopped at Target today and bought a few things to help us start taking better care of ourselves:

We really didn't do anything to "celebrate" this weekend. We mainly enjoyed each other's company. We don't see each other at all during the week so it was nice.

Here's to 75 more years together!

An Anniversary We'd Rather Forget

I've been trying to write this post in my head for the last week. I can't do it, but I need to. So, it's all over the place, but here it is.

The major things that stick in my head a whole year (to the day) later are hearing these words-

tesitcular cancer

surgery

 sperm banking

chemotherapy

And then I also remember passing out on the bathroom floor the night we came home from the hospital, while Chris was taking a shower. He found me on the floor. Here he was, trying to rouse me while he was barely even standing himself. I was mentally and physically exhausted.

We've been thinking about this weekend (from last year) all weekend. It doesn't feel like it's already been a year since the diagnosis. A year since the surgery, and finding out that we'd never be able to have kids without IVF. It's been a year since his contribution.

How fitting that we will be thinking about this time in our lives (maybe for the rest of our lives), when our world was turned upside down, when we are supposed to be thinking about things we are thankful for.

I've gone back and read about his first day of chemotherapy. And his last.

You guys out there were reading along as I told you about the success (my favorite post ever!) of every procedure he's been through. It had all payed off! Through the hair loss, nausea, fatigue, and sleepless nights (for me). Oh, and don't get me started on the financial debt. It was all worth it.

He's cancer free. Dr. K. asked us at Chris' last appointment how it would feel for us to get to grow old together now.  I almost cried.

I started this blog for you guys to keep up with his journey. Even though he's through the hardest parts of that journey, I will continue to blog.

We are so thankful for those of you who helped us out during the last year. I can't even put in to words how grateful we are for everything you did. You know who you are. And to the readers who came back to read my posts, whether they were rants about the chemo, celebrations about the outcome, and everything in between, thank you!

This has been a trying year for both of us.

Chris and I have been through a ton together. The cancer was just another bump in the road.

So this week, and every day for the rest of our lives, we will be thankful for the anniversary we'd rather forget because if it had never happened, we'd probably (no we would) be two totally different people right now.