Three

I remember this day three years ago just like it was yesterday. Every detail. On March 13, 2007, my family had to make the decision to take my mom off of life support.

She had a brain aneurysm. The surgery to fix it didn't turn out the results that we hoped for. Her brain swelled. She had been in a drug induced coma for nearly two weeks. She wasn't getting better. She wasn't waking up after they stopped the coma inducing drugs. We had a decision to make.

I'll never forget the nearly 2 hour drive from home to Memphis (one of the three nights in 2 weeks I'd gone home to sleep). Chris and I were half-way to Memphis (where my mom was in the ICU) when my phone rang. It was my grandpa. He asked if we were on our way to the hospital, I said yes, he said ok get here as soon as you can but be careful. I didn't know if she'd woken up, or worse.

I flew the rest of the way to the hospital. My friends who I was attending nursing school with at the time kept calling and wanting to check on me. I couldn't answer. It was like I was dreaming. I remember getting to the hospital and going directly back into the ICU. Weird, because they only let two people go at a time every few hours for just a few minutes. There were at least 6 of us in there with my mom when my grandpa asked me what I thought we should do. That was around noon on the 13th.

On March 14th, at about 1:30 a.m. she was gone. We were asked if we wanted to be there when it happened but I couldn't do it. Originally, my brother who is just younger than me said he wanted to be there with her. I vaguely remember talking him out of it. My step-dad was in there with her. She wasn't alone.

A few things that I remember vividly about those two weeks she was in the ICU and a few days after-

A waiting room we (and other families) practically lived in that had a shower, and recliners you could sleep in.

Not sleeping.

Chris being there with me nearly every day-missing school. It was my Spring Break, but not his. He didn't care.

Taking my nursing textbooks with me everywhere, and reading about everything the doctor said that was happening.

Living off of Nature Valley granola bars. It's all I could eat.

Her fingers.

My younger brothers, who were 6 and 9 at the time, drawing my mom pictures and asking me to give them to her since they weren't allowed to see her in the ICU.

The moment my brother who was 12 at the time decided he wanted to see her. We snuck him in. You had to be 13 to get back into the ICU. I went back there with him.

I remember the day after her brain surgery before they put her in a coma, when I would go back and see her and talk to her and touch her hand and her blood pressure and pulse would shoot up.  Her way of letting me know she knew I was there.

The nurses yelling at me, telling me not to touch her and then not letting me stay back there with her for my full few minutes.

March 14, 2007 was on a Wednesday.

I remember my grandma driving me to school so I could withdrawl.

BIGGESTMISTAKEOFMYLIFE.

I remember promising my favorite nursing instructor that I would get back into a nursing program somewhere. She made my grandma promise too.

 I remember, when we got home, laying in the bedroom floor with Chris and bawling my eyes out. Not because my mom was gone, but because he wasn't able to leave and come to TX with me the next day.

Driving from TN to TX on March 15th, 2007.

Arena coming to the memorial service.

Enrolling my brothers into their respective schools and getting them situated with my dad.

Leaving my brothers and dad a week later then driving from Mount Pleasant to Georgetown. Alone.

Sleeping alone until Chris came to TX in June.

Getting her wedding ring.

I remember other things about those days that I've tried to forget.